A parenting style is a psychological construct representing standard strategies that parents use in their child rearing. Parenting style can affect everything that a child does, feels and grows up to become and believe, so it’s important to ensure one’s parenting style supports healthy growth and development.
Parenting styles can be classified into four distinct types. Each style has a different take on what a parent’s role should be in a child’s life.
Do any of these statements sound like you?
When it comes to rules, it’s “my way or the highway.”
You don’t take your child’s feelings into consideration.
If any of that ring true, you might be an authoritarian parent. Authoritarian parents believe kids should follow the rules without exception.
They allow kids to get involved in problem-solving challenges or obstacles. Instead, they make the rules and enforce the consequences with little regard for a child’s opinion.
Children who grow up with strict authoritarian parents tend to follow rules much of the time but, they may develop self-esteem problems. Children raised using this type of parenting may have less social competence because the parent generally tells the child what to do instead of allowing the child to choose by him or herself.
Children of authoritarian parents may become hostile or aggressive and may grow conditioned to lie to avoid punishment.
Do any of these statements sound like you?
You explain the reasons behind your rules.
You enforce rules and give consequences, but you take your child’s feelings into consideration.
Authoritative parents, establish clear rules. But, they allow for reasonable exceptions to the rules.
They use positive discipline to prevent behaviour problems and to reinforce good behaviour. So they may be more likely to create reward systems and praise good behaviour. They set clear standards for their children, monitor the limits that they set, and also allow children to develop autonomy.
However, when punishing a child, explain the motive for their punishment. Children are more likely to respond to authoritative parenting punishment because it is reasonable and fair. They tend to be happy and successful. Also, they are more likely to be good at making decisions and evaluating safety risks on their own.
Do any of these statements sound like you?
You set rules but rarely enforce them.
You don’t give out consequences very often.
If those statements sound familiar, you might be a permissive parent. Permissive parents are lenient. They often only step in when there’s a serious problem.
They’re quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids.” Permissive parents usually take on more of a friend role than a parent role. They often encourage their children to about their problems, but they usually don’t put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behaviour.
Kids who grow up with permissive parents tend to struggle academically. They may exhibit more behavioural problems as they don’t appreciate authority and rules. They often have low self-esteem. They’re also at a higher risk for health problems, like obesity, because permissive parents struggle to limit junk food intake.
Do any of these statements sound familiar?
You don’t ask your child about school or homework.
You rarely know where your child is or who she is with.
If so, you might be an uninvolved parent. Uninvolved parents basically expect children to raise themselves. They usually don’t devote much time or energy into meeting children’s basic needs.
They lack knowledge about child development or are simply overwhelmed with other problems.
Children in this case may not receive much guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
Such children struggle with self-esteem issues. They tend to perform poorly in school. They also exhibit frequent behaviour problems and rank low in happiness.
OTHER PARENTING STYLES
A parenting style affected by narcissism. Such parents are exclusively and possessively close to their children and may be especially envious of, and threatened by, their child’s growing independence.
Encourages parents to plan and organize less for their children, instead allowing them to enjoy their childhood and explore the world at their own pace.
A parenting style providing a balance between the strict approach and the lack of rules and expectations. Dolphin parents avoid over scheduling activities for their children and refrain from being overprotective.
Ethnic Minority parenting
This parenting style was coined out of Authoritarian parenting and it is characterized by exceptionally high academic achievements among children from Asian backgrounds It is highly responsive towards children’s needs and maintains high demands.
IN A NUTSHELL
Children go through different stages in life; therefore parents create their own parenting styles from a combination of factors that evolve over time as children begin to develop their own personalities.
Sometimes parents don’t fit into just one category, however, that authoritative parenting is the best style. And there are always things that can be done to become a more authoritative parent.
With dedication and commitment to being the best parent you can be, you can maintain a positive relationship with your child while still establishing your authority in a healthy manner. And over time, your child will reap the benefits of your authoritative style.
COMMON CONFLICTS BETWEEN CHILDREN AND PARENTS-
Here’s a list of common sources of conflict between parents and their children:-
Cell phone use, noise, boyfriend/girlfriend, type of music, religion, grades, chores, messy room, disrespectful behaviour, dishonesty, allowance, fairness, clothes, tattoos, hairstyles, diet, how to spend money, getting rides to places, what to eat,
Step one: Be aware of your own emotion
If you are not comfortable with your emotion, you will have a hard time giving your children permission to express the full range of their emotion. Do you over react to situations that seem out of your control? Being able to focus on your own experience and that of your child is a central feature of effective repair.
Step two: Initiate repair with your child
Learn and respect your child’s style for processing and reconnecting. In order to begin the process of repair you must resist the urge to blame. By taking the lead you give your children permission to express themselves.
Step three: Listen carefully to your child’s thoughts and feelings
Encourage them to express how the experience of the conflict felt to them. Allow them to express the full range of feelings. Do not judge or counter their expression. Do not defend yourself. Join with your child emotionally by reflecting back what you hear about his experience of the events.
Every parent wants to hold their child close to protect them and keep them safe. And every child wants to break free of their parents hold, going out into the world to discover, explore and learn. Each is pulling the other in the opposite direction.
Understanding that parents have this desire for safety, security, success and survival of their children explains half of the equation and half of the conflict between parent and child.
The art of peaceful parenting is honouring children’s need for freedom and exploration while teaching children to be safe. Peaceful parenting means teaching the child how to responsibly handle ever increasing freedom.
Funnily, when parents are confronted with the downsides of this competitive and anxious nature of parenting, the most common response is:
“But I just want my child to be happy!”
Winning a Nobel prize or an Oscar? Becoming the CEO of big company or a wealthy entrepreneur? Getting elected the next president or secretary general? None of these can guarantee happiness for every single person. That is why we can’t expect to have one route for our children to take, or one definition for “success” and “happiness.”
Happiness and success, then, are perhaps the biggest and most unfair expectations we place on ourselves, and more importantly on our children. Maybe the best thing we can do for our children is to accept them as they are, and support them as they grow into the people they are destined to become.
It makes more sense that our role as parents is to be there for our children, to protect them, to offer guidance, and to love them unconditionally. If we followed our hearts and instincts, is it not possible that things like success and happiness would take care of themselves?